yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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