Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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