i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
