fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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