question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
