When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
