I want to have your abortion
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
