Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
