SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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