I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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