shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
