If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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