He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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