as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Pooping to opera.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
