i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
