Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
