i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
this is an emotional support booty call
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
