Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
