Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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