Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
