btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
We named our party play list daddy issues
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
