You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
