You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
So many bounce houses so little time
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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