please come you make the beer taste better
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
