12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
