i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
