I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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