I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
