Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
