oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
