so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
