Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
