Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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