i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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