you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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