I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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