My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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