I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
