Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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