Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
i need to put some appletini on your dick
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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