New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
