Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
