He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
