Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
