Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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