the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
