The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
