I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
