i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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