I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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