I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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